On Quitting Social Media

Leaving Social Media, Resistance, and Survival

I have made the decision to give up social media.

These are dire times and I’ve deemed it crucial to protect my emotional bandwidth as well as the hours in my day so that I can make art, follow the news more closely, experience delight, and deepen my in-person connections to community. Creation, information, joy, and collective care are all important to resistance and survival.

For years, I have been operating under the assumption that my creative work’s success is dependent on the size of my social media platform. That is what writers who want to publish are told. And it’s mostly true. But what if social media depletes our creativity and drive? Even with app timers and the ruthless culling of accounts I follow, using social media shortens my attention span, pulls focus from my loved ones, and encourages me to mine my moments for content, as opposed to fully inhabiting them. How is that helping me create? Social media mostly helps me sell. I have had success as a writer bucking the system to some degree and I have decided its time to say no to the status quo again.

Photo by Nadine Marfurt on Unsplash

I haven’t used social media in over a month and I think I have a good shot at making quitting stick. I used to be a smoker. I had a pack-a-day habit that lasted a decade. And then, I quit when I found my reason to stop doing the thing I knew was bad for me. I didn’t quit for my health, to save money, to preserve my youth, or because of doctor’s or loved ones admonishments. I quit because I didn’t want to go into withdrawal in a crisis.

I came to this conclusion in the days after September 11. Specifically, after I unsuccessfully tried to shove a carton of Parliament Lights into a well-stocked emergency go-bag my girlfriend had given me, and was reduced to tears when I couldn’t make the packs fit. The bag was filled with things one might need to survive: tablets to make dirty water potable, MREs, first aid supplies, a foil blanket, and a crank radio. While I wouldn’t need cigarettes to survive, going into withdrawal in a crisis seemed like it could really make terrible things worse.

Sitting on my living room floor, tear stained, snotty, and defeated, it dawned on me that a better solution to avoid going into nicotine withdrawal in a crisis would be to quit smoking before one occurred. I followed a smoking cessation program that took many months and I successfully quit. Twenty three years later, while I’m not sobbing on the living room floor, I am about to be an empty nester and I want more time with my kiddo at home. And I am nervous of what the future holds for her and the rest of us. I am ready to give up social media because my precious life doesn’t have have the space for it anymore.

I haven’t used Instagram or Facebook for over a month. The first few days I noticed how often I absentmindedly picked up my phone looking for a distraction. After a couple of weeks, I have noticed that I am reading more long form articles, newsletters, and books. I have restored my bandwidth to read or watch the news and listen to podcasts that go in depth on current events. I have written more. I get bored sometimes and that is fine. I cannot research people or things as easily or use the local Facebook groups as a resource but right now, that is a cost I am willing to bear.

I never had TikTok or BlueSky. I don’t use Twitter/X. LinkedIn does not tempt me the way the other apps do and I am monitoring my use of Substack’s social features, wondering if I might have to move on from here too. I don’t use any other social apps.

Like quitting smoking, I have a plan which is crucial to successfully changing habits. It will take a some time, but I am fairly certain that you won’t see me around the social media neighborhood much anymore.

In professional news…

I recently learned that My first book: Lifting Heavy Things: Healing Trauma One Rep at a Time. has sold over 15,000 copies of the English language print and ebooks. I don’t have the audiobook or Chinese language edition figures yet but holy cow I was happily surprised!

Over fifteen thousand copies of Lifting Heavy Things have been sold!

You can order Lifting Heavy Things from anyplace you like to buy your books! And you can also ask your local library to order it too.

I was time-traveling this past month. As my empty-nest days draw near I am both incredibly proud of my daughter and a bit sad. I have been reading and watching bittersweet stories about coming of age that incorporate time travel as a means to avoid having to say goodbye.

READ: This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub.

I wanted to read something fun. Remembering that I loved The Vacationers, I decided to read another novel by Straub. In this novel, our main character Alice is turning forty only she wakes up in 1996 to relive her sixteenth birthday. Read this New York Times bestseller if in adulthood you are making new meaning of past events, you like coming of age stories, you find yourself wondering what would happen if you did one thing different on that very important day, or if you, like me, were a Manhattan private school kid in the 90s.

WATCH: My Old Ass. It is another funny and bittersweet coming of age story. But instead of a 39-year going back in time and being her 16-year-old self, an 18-year-old meets, and befriends, her 39-year-old self after taking some psychedelic mushrooms on her eighteenth birthday. Filmed in a gorgeous region in Ontario, not only did this movie move me, it made me want to move! Also Aubrey Plaza plays the 39-year-old and I love her.

LISTEN: to your “daylist” on Spotify. I didn’t even know this feature was there until my 17-year-old daughter told my old ass about it. When I can’t decide what I want to listen to it comes up with playlists at different times of day based on your listening habits. This morning it gave me “Concious Hip Hop Old School Early Morning”