The Trouble with Thinking About Appetites, and Do Less Dishes: Grill!
Reconnecting with our bodies after work, self-care through reducing clean up and gaining fresh air by cooking outside, and recommendations on things to listen to, read, and watch!
Dear Friend,
This year, May, June, and early July had me teetering on a tightrope of shifting schedules, broken appliances, lost loved ones, and my own ever-growing to-do list. Thankfully, I bobbled and tottered my way across and by mid-July I made it to the other side.
It is easy to forget that finding our balance is a continuous act because the world outside of us and the microcosm inside of us are dynamic. When you stand on your tiptoes to reach for a seldom used bowl a high shelf, you probably only notice if your fingertips can reach, but if you allowed your attention to travel to your ankles, you may notice a wobble. And when you walk down the aisle of a moving train to find a seat,—or a snack—you have to constantly shift your weight against its movement to not fall into a fellow passenger’s lap. Whether or not the ground below you is still, your body’s movements are unceasing in its attempts to find equilibrium. And no matter how much you plan, calendars, feelings, and tastes shift because life is happening. Sometimes these shifts result in a sea change and in those cases you may have no choice but to go with the flow and to continually find balance and a sense of wellness in what might be a chaotic time.
As I said last month, Tender at The Desk and Stove is a place where I explore ways to live a full life in accordance our own definitions of balance. In that way, this month, one in which I had to intentionally work to maintain my equilibrium, is no different. Here is what you will find in July’s issue:
“The Trouble with Thinking About Appetites,” which is an essay about overcoming some intellectual and practical obstacles to honoring my appetite with yard work and grilling.
Recipes in “Do Less Dishes: Grill,” grilling vegetables, pizza, and chicken that make little mess and have been very yummy.
And this month’s Until Next Time includes recommendations for an essay exploring the experience of a gym-bro in ED recovery, a food writer’s podcast on appetites and lifting (on which I was a guest,) and the show I binged in the quiet moments I carved out earlier this summer.
If this sounds good to you and you’re not already a subscriber, I would love for you to sign up and support my free monthly newsletter. Happy Reading!
Keep cool,
Laura
The Trouble With Thinking About Appetites
I am prone to getting lost in my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps that’s why I write so much about mindful movement—it is the quickest route home to my whole self that I know of. And yet, as is the human condition, I often need to be reminded to practice what I preach.
I am working on a book that considers appetites, and I have been spending a terrible amount of time thinking about how in the US we tend to treat appetites for food, sex, love, and care like dangerous things.
It shouldn’t feel subversive to listen to our bodies, but for many folks it is. For me, it is hard to hear myself whispering kindly to my body in an attempt understand what hunger and fullness feel like under the chorus of conversations (in the media and with loved ones) about drugs that induce weight loss by tricking our bodies into feeling full. While I am working so hard to learn and hear my body’s cues for hunger and fullness because I am so disconnected from myself in this regard, I keep getting the message from the world at large that fat bodies ought to be tricked into small appetites. Then I wonder about the consequences of such a thing.
I read, think, and write to find answers. Sometimes I get somewhere, and other times I get real wound up until my eyes can’t focus and I am completely overwhelmed.
Annoyingly, all this thinking about how we think about appetites hindered my own progress in getting to know my own—I was so in my head that I was struggling to access somatic cues. Recently, my cousin asked me how I was. I looked around with eyes landing on nothing of importance, and I said, “you know, I don’t know.”
When I would ask my body, “are you hungry,” it would answer me back the same way.
This is troubling because getting to know my hunger cues is at the root of my recovery work right now.
This inability to feel hunger happened before, not so long ago, when I was writing about the roots of my own eating disorder for the same project. Seated in a leather armchair next to my desk, on a video call with my ED coach, I observed to her, “I am thinking and writing so much about ED and now I am finding that I can’t eat. I always write in the morning and eat breakfast afterwards. Now I don’t want food for hours.”
“What can you do to get in touch with your body after you write?” she asked, gently reminding me to practice what I preach.
“I mean I guess I could do some movement. I usually do that before I work…” and we sat there quiet for a beat, each of us in our little telehealth squares, her allowing me the space to come up with a solution for myself. “Yeah, I could do my usual stuff and then go for a walk or something, and then eat breakfast.” I finally said.
The next morning around 10am after I had been awake and writing for a few hours, I drove to a trail that circles a pretty little pond near my house. I set off. I enjoyed the crunch below my feet and seeing the onset of spring in the trees. The air was crisp and gave my cheeks damp little kisses. Halfway around the mile loop my stomach grumbled loudly making my appetite known to all sentient beings around. I was relieved. I made it around the loop, went straight home and had breakfast.
Remembering that walk as I struggled with connecting to my appetite again, I began to plan for, and mindfully do something physical after research or writing sessions. Mindful movement is a straightforward path to becoming more embodied and grounded. Usually I write about movement as a way to know our emotional feelings, but it is also a way to know our physical feelings, like hunger. And it doesn’t have to be a walk or a formal movement practice. It turns out that for me, mowing my small patch of lawn and weeding are excellent summertime ways to inhabit my whole body and not just my thoughts! And when the weather is more unforgiving, mindfully tidying, doing the laundry, or stretching does the trick too.
It isn’t so much what the activity is, but more importantly, that it requires you to use your body in a way that it invites you to pay attention to it.
Just as my coach invited me to consider how to get back into my body after work, I invite you to think about ways you could too after stretches at your desk paying bills, writing, or doing some other seated work. Let’s help each other get creative so we have a whole lot of activities to choose from: please share what you came up with in the comments!
Do Less Dishes: Grill!
At the beginning of July while I was still trying to get grounded from the a very busy spring and early summer, my dishwasher broke. I was exhausted, grumpy, and the thought of doing a ton of dishes was further hindering my ability to tune into my body and honor my appetite. My solution: use the grill!
Using a grill, if you cook the food directly on the grate, and if you keep the prep simple and the sauces to a minimum, you can dramatically reduce the amount of clean up from both cooking and prep work while still having a tasty meal.
Ultimately, I had a lot of fun, made some good food, and reduced my clean up. Since it is still July and some of you may have access to a grill in your backyard, on your rooftop, or in a public park, I thought I would share with you some of the yummy and not so messy things I made.
Baby Artichokes and Whole Radishes
This spring I steamed artichokes a couple of times. Thinking about different ways to cook them, I became curious what it would be like to grill them; I found out! I grilled baby artichokes following Mark Bittman’s instructions from my go-to grilling guide: How to Grill Everything. First I prepared the marinade of two parts oil to one part lemon, and then I prepped the baby artichokes one at a time placing them in the marinade as I went. (This helps to reduce the natural discoloration that happens as artichokes are exposed to the air.) I removed the outer leaves until I got to the leaves that are green on the top half and then yellow closer to the base. Then I cut the green tops off, used a peeler to clean the stem, and then I halved them vertically through the stem and put them in the bowl of marinade. While this bit is tedious work, I quickly found a rhythm.
I removed the artichokes from the marinade and reserved the bowl and the remaining lemony-oil.
Although the artichokes were small, they were big enough to grill them directly on the grates. (Full disclosure: two halves slipped through the grates—a sacrifice to the grilling gods.) With the grill lid closed, I cooked them over medium-high direct heat for about 4 minutes per side. They were yummy, crispy, and did that thing artichokes do: they made everything else I ate taste sweeter. I did not make a dipping sauce or dressing because I don’t think artichokes need aioli, melted butter, or basil lime vinaigrette nor did I want to make a mess. More lemon juice would have been welcome but was not necessary, which was a good thing because I was out of lemons.
Then, I tossed cleaned radishes with their greens still attached in the reserved olive oil and lemon juice. I grilled the dressed radishes whole with their greens attached for about two minutes per side over indirect medium-high heat with the lid closed.
Once everything was off the grill, I topped a large seedy flatbread cracker with fresh ricotta, sliced grilled radish, diced tomato, and crumbled crispy radish greens, and lightly drizzled the whole thing with my favorite very syrupy balsamic vinegar. I ate my grilled radish toast with the artichokes and a 10-minute egg.
Corn
I know grilling corn is basic, but I grill my corn in the husk without paying too much attention to heat or placement and it generally comes out really nice. In case you haven’t tried to do it this way, I thought I would share.
First, I snip off their moptops of corn silk. then I remove the outer leaves one layer at a time, until I can begin to see the bumps of the kernels through the remaining husk.
Then I put it on the grill. In general I leave it there for twenty minutes over indirect heat, adjusting time for heat levels and placement on the grill, with the lid closed. I give it a 180 degree turn about halfway through cook time.
Pizza
Pizza on the grill isn’t necessarily easy but it’s fun and yummy even if your pizzas are more amoeba shaped like mine. I used store bought dough and sauce (less mess) and my go-to from article and recipe from Faith Durand of the Kitchn as my guide. I topped my daughter’s pizza with store bought tomato sauce and shredded five cheese blend. I made mine with the same sauce, leftover grilled artichoke hearts, shredded cheese, and fresh ricotta. Some fresh basil would have been a nice addition but I didn’t have any on hand.
Barbecue Chicken Thighs
Chicken thighs are my go-to when I can’t think too much about cooking and I am indoors. I asked myself, “why not make them my outdoors go-to too?”
I salted and peppered the bone in, skin on, chicken thighs and then cooked them over indirect medium-high heat with the grill lid closed. I placed them skin-side up, for twenty minutes and then flipped them and continued cooking for an additional twenty minutes. I checked that the chicken was cooked through using a meat thermometer. It was! Then I basted the side of the chicken facing up in my preferred barbecue sauce, then I closed the lid for about two minutes. Next I opened the lid, flipped the chicken back to skin side up, basted, closed the lid and cooked for another two. This approach allows the sauce to set without burning. I have to admit I have never tried marinating the chicken first, if you have, please let me know how it went in the comments!
LISTEN to Julia Turshen’s podcast, Keep Calm and Cook On—Season 7 is about appetites and Season 8 is about lifting. Oh, and I am not just saying this because I am the first guest on Season 8! The New York Times has called Julia’s podcast “an antidote to diet culture” and “a great reminder of how food intersects with just about every other aspect of life, including mental health, relationships and race.” If you like what I am talking about here you will love what she has to share!
READ Justin Kolber’s essay “On The Hall” about being a man in ED recovery and gain a glimpse at how “gym culture can often mask eating disorders and body dysmorphia for young boys and men.” I would be remiss if I didn’t note that gym culture, even the bro-y kind can do the same for folks of any gender.
WATCH Insecure. I am late to the party on this one but I binged all five seasons. This HBO comedy is a wonderfully written, gorgeously shot, funny, and poignant love letter to black women, friendship, love, and Los Angeles. Bonus: the costumes and soundtrack are next level!
Love your thoughts on cueing in and listening to our bodies